No Opinion is a Good Opinion.

People live in a social world. They need to mingle with people at work and at home. One of the necessary part of this lifestyle is that we need to talk. Talk has no effect, it is just air with noise but still it carries a lot of meaning to people. Also the problem is compounded by the educated scientific mind which needs to or is forced to know a lot. From scientific phenomenon to various religious beliefs, to celebrity gossip, sports, entertainment, world news and politics. Personal stuff like job, kids, future, past and list goes on and on. While keeping updated with all this data a person ends up having a good time collecting all this mostly unnecessary data. While doing all this along the way a person forgets that his opinions have no meaning really and it is for his own entertainment. This creates a lot of pressure to have opinion on everything. You cannot afford to not have an opinion. No matter what the context is.

 

Whether the question is how much tip to be given in a restaurant or what to do in Middle East politics. New issues keep popping up and we need to keep our opinions updated. Never do we realize our opinion is for our own sanity and entertainment, it has no bearing on most of the things. What to do in a ongoing war, or wether a certain celebrity should have done something what they did, is just small talk. we dont really need to take any sides, in fact we dont need to be aware of it at all. It is thecompulsion of the internet world and us knowing how to read, which makes us aware of all useless things going around. In fact it has no bearing outside you and it is part of the setup of various other inputs.

 

In fact best opinion is not to have an opinion, an opinion brings with itself a load to the mind and there is a maintenance needed of that opinion which drags a lot of memory and idle time of brain. Everything is not worth an opinion, their is a need to pick and chose what is worth an opinion, because it is going to create havoc inside you. Otherwise stay non opinionated and stress free.

 

For this to happen the biggest change needed  is not to read everything, not to keep feeding your mind with junk. In today's world this is the biggest challenge, not to take everything presented to you wether it be junk food or junk ideas. Do we need it? Is someone asking us to have an opinion? Your quality of mind and happiness is directly related to how many opinions and how many new opinions per day you have forced yourself to update.

 

Offshoot of this shift in lifestyle will be - how to be still seen as an intellectual and informed person without having an opinion? There are a lot of people with lot of junk in their own minds ready to download on you, no one really is listening for others opinion so you don't have to worry. Just listen to everyone and ask questions about what is going on in their head but don't form any opinion just listen for fun. Another exercise is just like junk food just look at the ideas don't click on it. Take in the headlines like a civil war going in Syria. Do you think you are going to affect that war? If you are going to act on it in anyway, then get involved otherwise don't read about 1000 things bombarded to you about it. Beyond the headlines it is not news it is gossip and junk for the mind hooked upon junk. Keep it clean empty and happy. 

We Know What We Will Get - We See The Future.

During a class of solid state physics as all the students were eager to know the grades and marks for the test, professor casually said 'you all know what you will get, on the bell curve you already know where you will be.' Since then I started thinking that generally everyone knows what marks they are going to get, you already know it .... If you are going to fail or pass, or get a certain grade. That was so true. Then why are we so anxious to find out the obvious? We as humans somehow want to change the inevitable. We clutch to a 'hope' that may be something unexpected may happen or dread that depending on what you expect, but most of the times the same boring thing happens that you get what you already expected. So by some means you can say we all can see the future barring a few surprises.

In regular life you can easily predict your life. But still we spend a lot of anxious moments before every revelation of a decision because we give too much importance to the fringe events which has a rare chance of happening. We are anxious because we are in one of the following situations -

1. We know the result but we want it so bad that we are stressing out to know if it is what it should and would be. This is being a little too negative in life.
2. We know the result but we don't want it to happen and we are hoping for a miracle to save us. It's already happened but we don't want to face it now. This is dreading the consequence of stuff already beyond our control.
3. We don't know the result at all, we are totally clueless on what is the outcome of our actions. This is a state where we are totally confused about life and don't want to face life at all.

Take any thing from 'going to get a traffic ticket', 'getting review from your manager', 'going to get a visa', 'going to a show / pick up of kid / important meeting and running late', take anything and we kind of know what is going to happen but we are stressing out either about the impending result which we know or some low probability which may happen.

If we take this to an extreme and everyday is filled with many stress pockets and all hit the roof before the inevitable 'revelation of a result' if we can tell ourselves to relax and make us see the inevitable future, it relaxes you and prepares you better for further actions.

My point is - think in every stressful situation do I really know what is going to happen? Maybe I just don't want to admit it? The needless stress will drop it's pretense and it will better prepare you to face the inevitable. Also it will help not focusing on the result so much as the journey itself.

You Crave What You Have

When in Kindergarten kid draws something and parents say 'this is the best drawing they have seen' and the kid starts loving to draw. The more you get better at it, and the more you get noticed the more you feel good about it. You are good at it and you are obsessed with it. You want more? Does it start here? Don't know.

Contrary to expectations you are most insecure and most obsessed about something you have in abundance. If you are a good cook you crave it more and more, you want to cook and get people to praise it more. If you are a Sachin Tendulkar you have all the records but you still obsess to get one more to the kitty because... you already have so many?!. Their is never a point when you say - I already have this and be ok with it. The feeling becomes an addiction and this takes over. So for a human when he doesn't have something then he laments that he is a have-not but when he has something then he not satisfied either and is obsessed with that attribute because of the inherent insecurity.

If you are rich then you think money is more important than others think of it. You somehow need more of it to survive. Rich people tend to think that poor should always be thinking of making money and save and often label them irresponsible in case they find them spending it or just having fun rather than always pursuing 'money making', because in their mind the poor people should need it more.

We also tend to give more importance to our achievements than others care to. If you got into a prestigious university or passed a much coveted exam then you make it a bigger deal of it than it is. You buy into slogans like ... the entire country wanted to do this but only chosen few did it. Really the entire country barely knows about that achievement and is not after it at all due to their own compulsions of life. Same with education, job, career, etc.

There is another side to it, if the achievement has fallen in your lap with no input of your own, then it somehow becomes even more coveted. If you live in a big city like New York or Mumbai .... you obsess about what you got, then you suddenly are in spotlight of representing that big city as if everything about it was made by you. Same with getting born in a culture or caste or class. Same with religion, region, and country. None of it is your making or choice but now that it fell in your lap it is so much more important.

 

All this may seem to be positive but somehow it all flows out as a negative trait more than positive.

Delegation is Mental more than Physical.

Delegation of any work is not in the work, but it is in the mind. Why do we delegate? Because one person cannot do everything so he decides to delegate. People delegate things which they can't do, or he thinks should not need his attention. Everyone in the world delegates and probably everyone doesn't delegate in the mind. So delegation happens in the act but not in the mind. So body gets relieved of the work due to the work delegated but the mind won't let go causing stress and frustration.

Let's take a few examples - You ask your spouse to do dishes but you can't sit relaxed and let him/her handle it. You want to go over and tell exactly how to do it. You tell your kid to go and play on her own but then you can't help tell them exactly how to play. You sit besides someone in the car to go somewhere but you can't help tell them which way to take and how to drive. You go on a flight but can't help let the cabin crew and pilot figure out the weather and decisions of flying, you need to know exactly what they are doing. You go to doctor but won't let them figure out what is wrong with you, you have to understand the entire medical science and teach them. You want to refinance the house and need a banker for it, but won't let them do it. A maid comes to your home to clean or prepare food but you can't let go and need the exact way you need.

This obsession of wanting to know every data no matter wether you are going to make any difference on the work being done or not is the cause of stress. This supreme trust on your own superhuman abilities to understand everything and anything in the world and distrust of every human who is not 'you' to screw up or be a cheat is mindboggling. Also the obsession of being cheap that if the person asked to do your job will charge you more than the best deal in the world. If you need something done then it is a good deal if it is done. Even at work place this is wide spread.

No matter what you do you need people to do their jobs, you need to delegate but you won't delegate it in the head.

Just live a week when you really delegate, don't be afraid of being with yourself with an empty mind. clear it out and sit and relax. The 'insecurity' that everyone is evil and you need to be on guard is useless, because you still get your share of getting robed. Do your due diligence in figuring out who needs to be given the task and then completely trust the person and relax and live.

Man is not a Social Animal

It is an old saying - Man is a social animal. Really? I don't think any animal is really as social as we would like to believe. Society is a need, not a choice. Man needs society -- it is a need for him to be social but he really doesn't want to be.

Let's start with animals from bottom of the food chain. Ants are social. They have huge operations -- there is a queen and they collect food together, build homes together, help each other, etc. But this is all because a single ant wouldn't survive on its own. They need to be social. Let's use the example of a more complex animal like deer. They travel in herds because that is 'safe' for them. If they are left out they may get attacked by a predator. Lions and tigers are pretty secure in their strengths so they live in nuclear families and tend not to be very social.
Now let's turn to humans. When a human is poor and helpless, he likes the support of other people as a safety net. He is also not strong enough to think on his own, so society takes over -- religion and the mob around him controls him. So he is always surrounded by huge families and links like religion and union and the herd mentality is strong. There is no other way to go. If you are lucky enough to be rich and powerful, then you accept society on your own terms. Now you are becoming a lion and not an ant, and hence you start looking to get away from people -- find a bigger and bigger and emptier house on a higher and higher hill. So once the same poor person living in huge joint families with a huge set of friends turning to religion and living within social norms, gets the freedom by way of money and power, suddenly, the same 'social' human is no more so. The joint families start breaking into nuclear ones and further more. What society calls 'love' most of the time is only tested then, because most of the time, it is a compulsion and a need which keeps people in a herd like community, family etc. Minorities, for example, always seem to be more close knit, because of their need to feel protected.
When he can buy safety, security, health, and food, man suddenly stops being that social. He still needs to see his kind, but only on his terms. He has to do some give and take with his 'equals' and hence he mingles once in a while. Now give him a Facebook, twitter, phone, texting, and now he wants to socialize even less as he gets his fill keeping the distance so he can 'invoke' the society at his own will by click of a button.  

My point is - No living creature is social, they are stuck in it together. Next time when you lament how joint family and 'values' have decreased, how loved ones change, and brothers fight, just put this simple formula to test. Was it that the inter-dependence  was removed? It is all because the 'need' is gone, and the essential nature of human, that of living on his own terms comes to the fore. When poor societies find independence and freedom, it is called change of culture, and westernization. But what merely is that? it is just manifestation of 'real' nature of a creature.

The Rich and Pampered 'struggle and deserve'

Struggle and Deserve have no meaning and at best is used for self serving goals by people who live in the cocoon of their own made up world.

I am aware in some context these words do have a meaning, but the context I am talking is the one which they are most used for and that has no meaning. Let's take one at a time.

Deserve - What does it really mean? unless you believe in some kind of universal laws applying uniformly to everything in the universe, there is nothing called deserve. Dictionary meaning says - to be worthy of, to be qualified for. The problem is that being worthy of something or being qualified for something doesn't mean you deserve it, that just means... you may deserve it if everything else falls in place. And everything else means... everything else in universe which has nothing to do with what you are after, but affects every process and mechanism which makes the process happen for that 'what' you are after.

Deserve at best is a word used by a 5-9 year old kid who doesn't understand the world's complex network and intertwined nature of everything and in the simple world where Dad and Mom are the giver and the kid is the taker, it is simply matter of honoring a commitment. Dad said you will be given a chocolate if you read a book and once you are done, you 'deserve' the chocolate. Now that was long time ago, now in real independent life of yours it is not Dad it may be the boss (who is really not the boss, as he has many bosses and compulsions) and your work is not like reading a book, but that work's quantification itself depends on host of stuff which can easily dissolve into inconsequential stuff which can't be quantified. So now everything becomes fluid and confusing. So where does deserve go? There is nothing you deserve, if you get something that was just a matter of chance when everything aligned themselves to what you were aiming for. So you can call it divine intervention that you got it rather than describing it as you deserved something. Only thing needed for you to deserve something is you 'wanting' and in your own way you think you worked for it. So your want has become your 'deserve'!.

Let's for a moment think the kindergarten stuff that the world is as simple as the 5 yr old's chocolate episode above. So, when you work hard you deserve promotion, when you study hard you better get grade A. When you practice your art well you deserve to have a flawless performance... etc... Then how do you explain away everyone else directly and indirectly associated to the same event you are associated with? What if someone else is working for the same thing as hard? someone else found everything falling in place around him the way they needed though they didn't even work for it? It can keep going, so unless world becomes an exercise in making sense for only your own mind and you become the center of universe there really is nothing called Deserve. You Deserve nothing, zit, nada. So unless you are so rich and pampered (like all 5-9 yr old kids are) that the world around you makes you believe the world is some simple software program and works depending only on 'you and your efforts and needs' you won't use 'deserve' for yourself for anything. If you deserve 'something' then put it to test for random individuals. Does a kid blown by a bomb in war torn areas deserve it? A person who got away with murder and a big heist deserve it? a person who works 14 hours a day to get one meal a day - deserve it? A rich person who worked hard to be rich finds himself still sad - does he deserve it? Deserve is a word only used to describe an outcome not effort. If outcome is favorable you mollycoddle yourself and create a fake struggle before the 'deserved' ending.

Let's come to Struggle. It is in the same vein I talk about struggle as 'deserve'. This is a word only used by pampered out of touch celebrities. Struggle generally is referred to past life when you had less means. As if at that time you were not breathing and living like a normal human. During my struggling days.... this can be used for your college days or days you started a job, or were looking for a job etc. Once you get fatter and wealthier suddenly those days become struggle. But those days were perfectly regular as far as life in concerned. You were happy and sad and basically living just the way you are doing now. Struggle is always used in the past, but when you were living it, it was not struggle it was life. When an artist was struggling he was one of millions who were living the same life, now that he/she has earned some fame and wealth then the same life which is still being lived by millions became struggle for him (in the past) but if you ask the ones who are still living that life, that is just a life not a struggle to them.

It can be argued that the words don't need to make sense in a global way as an individual you still think you deserve few things even if it makes no sense in relation to the entire world and you still want to tag a few passages of your past as struggle. Fair enough but these are negative views and hamper your growth as an individual and stall you in the path of philosophical discourse you are having with yourself.

My point is - If you find yourself using words like 'deserve' and 'struggle' for yourself, it is a clear sign you are living in your own la-la land and being an annoying presence. I don't say you always need to live acknowledging harsh realities of world, but problem with using these words is that they will give you fleeting happiness in exchange of frustration of a lifetime. Your life will become a struggle, and you deserve it :).