You are Worthless

What is your worth in your own head? Probably it is very less as compared to your possessions. People work hard to earn money once they accumulate enough they dream of getting 'things'. They always thought these things were beyond them, now they are in reach. When they thought these things are beyond them somehow they put themselves below these 'things'.

You buy a Sofa, a dress, a suit and then tip toe around it as if you are its slave. Someone's kid jumps on the sofa and your heart leaps, your body language changes when you wear that suit. You drive that car but you are afraid to park it anywhere. You wear that piece of jewelry but keep touching it as you are scared it will fall. When did you become a slave of your possessions? Why a 'nonliving thing' becomes more important than a living thing which has so less time left on earth? Those things had no worth inside the earth when they were extracted out and when they were honed into a thing and when they went to market, they still had no value. They became of value only when you wanted them. Now they are worth so much in your head that your peace of mind, your blood pressure, your happiness all is dependent on them.

Humans were not always like that I guess, something changed probably after industrialization, when economy started depending on marketing and all it did was to reduce you to nothing as compared to these 'things'. I don't see a cave man worrying about his toys, maybe he would worry about his weapons but not his toys.

Let's take it one step further what is 'you' really worth? (I know you can't put a value but at least it should be forbidden value.) To answer this we need to know - What is you? It is your body and your intangibles (sometimes called soul). Body needs food and exercise. Now when body craves food let’s say you crave a Kitkat in a vending machine ($1.00) and you don't get it thinking you could get it for a Quarter at Winco your worth just fell below a dollar. Not only you have no worth as compared to these nonliving things you have no worth as compared to other living things. You may be a VP in a corporation paying you $100/hour but when you decide on working on a project in your kitchen which you hate (will work few days on it), you calculated handyman's worth ($300) Vs You ($0). You just became worthless!

My point is - you are the most precious, by you I mean - your peace of mind, your happiness, your whims, your time here on earth. If a 'thing' is giving you only 'stress happiness' get rid of it or make yourself worth it by respecting 'yourself' more. Imagine your favorite thing break or get stolen. Nothing changes it had no worth before you used it now it has no worth because it's gone. Another experiment you can do is, put a worth on you. Let’s say $10/-. I will not think twice to keep me happy at least if it is a question of under $10/-. An example - Next time you stop at cheap gas station and there is a line of 10 minutes when you wanted to rush to your family and be with them. Is your precious time with family not even worth 2 cents a gallon? Go to chevron and get that gas. Respect yourself and be a happy human.

Simplistic 'Thumb Rules' Complicate Life

People tend to simplify their lives by creating "thumb rules" based on their values and beliefs. These thumb rules are like traffic rules that one follows without thinking about the reason they were created. They come as a reflex without having to take the matter to the brain. So far so good. So these rules do tend to simplify our lives, as long as one's values stay the same. The problem is though, that values and beliefs change with time, yet its easy to forget that the rules should also change.

A few examples of these rules are (not related to each other in any way) - Always buy from the sales rack, a self made person is better, spending on luxury is bad, drinking is bad, dowry is bad, Disciplining is good for kids, chemicals are bad, I need to do dishes everyday. Now these by themselves look harmless but under different circumstances these may make you uncomfortable or even miserable.

The problem arises when one begins to stress about this rule, and cannot get themselves to question the validity of the rule because it is so ingrained in their mind. In the example of the rule of "the dishes should be done every day to maintain a clean home", say our subject just had twins. Obviously, due to the crazy busy lifestyle that our subject's life has turned into, is it really a big deal if the dishes are left in the sink? Probably not. But the thumb rule, "the dishes are done every day" is so ingrained, that our subject may not be able to even question whether it applies to her life anymore just because it's a "rule" she has created for herself so early in life. In turn, she is unhappy that she cannot do the dishes every day whereas if she thought about it, she'd realize that that rule should not apply to her life anymore.

Our values are formed very early in life and we created a thumb rule based on those values. As we grow older and "wiser", our surroundings change and circumstances shift, but due to these rules we created, values stay stubbornly fixed along with the rules. In turn, these rules are hindering the growth of our values and beliefs. When and if you revisit these rules after many years, the logic or beliefs the value was standing on are not recognizable or not relevant to your circumstances.

My point is - When you get worried, angry, cranky over a given situation again and again, the problem lies in this thumb rule. The existence of the rule automatically blocks any potential for debate in your mind. If a rule is detracting from one's happiness, you'll notice this because you catch yourself always reverting back to stating this rule to yourself as justification for your actions. Lets take a quick example of a person whose thumb rule says going out at night is bad. Now he has changed countries and cultures but he still feels uncomfortable if his near and dears go out. He just is antsy and irritated by the whole idea but he doesn't know what rationale to use to explain his irritation. It's important to then reassess the value that this rule was first meant to address and whether that is something you currently believe in.

This is by no means an easy thing to do. It is not intuitive, and you need to find such a situation in your life and act on it. Otherwise, you may find out too late that your thumb rules have made you into a person you never intended to be.

Your Greatest Strength is your Biggest Weakness

It is said 'Philosophy' is the only thing that differentiates between Humans and Animals though I am not sure. Probably complex animals also got philosophy, anyone who has an idea of time, that is past present and future thinks philosophy. Some do consciously and others unconsciously. When I started talking to myself in my own head in a structured way the one discussion I had with myself and what I figured that day which was probably 20 years back still holds water after so many years..

Back in College days, we were supposed to fill out forms where we needed to fill out our strengths and weaknesses. As we constructed our false strengths and weaknesses with the focus on impressing the interviewer. I started thinking what is a weakness and a strength?

The more I thought the more I was convinced that there is nothing called strength or weakness, but there are characteristics of a human which are perceived or twisted to be strength or weakness and the dominant characteristic is twisted in a way to be thought as a strength and the same dominant characteristic becomes the weakness when seen in a different situation. Now this entire strength and weakness became a joke for me, this has stood over time and there has never been any confusion in my head about this. I see the entire world always dividing a human / team / country / culture into strength and weakness but it is the same characteristic they are talking about as a strength and weakness!

Let me give you an example - Attention to detail is a strength then probably not able to see the bigger picture is the weakness - but it roots from the same characteristic. You can take a sport and check strength and weakness of any player or team and you will see it. In cricket - Sehwag's carefree uncluttered approach to batting is a strength is his greatest strength and biggest weakness. Take NBA - Spurs is a methodical well oiled machine that's the strength and weakness. As a religion - hinduism is not structured and defined - thats the strength and the weakness.

My point is - whenever you struggle with a situation - think what makes you so bad? And then realize that due to that trait you may be better off in other situations.