Simplistic 'Thumb Rules' Complicate Life

People tend to simplify their lives by creating "thumb rules" based on their values and beliefs. These thumb rules are like traffic rules that one follows without thinking about the reason they were created. They come as a reflex without having to take the matter to the brain. So far so good. So these rules do tend to simplify our lives, as long as one's values stay the same. The problem is though, that values and beliefs change with time, yet its easy to forget that the rules should also change.

A few examples of these rules are (not related to each other in any way) - Always buy from the sales rack, a self made person is better, spending on luxury is bad, drinking is bad, dowry is bad, Disciplining is good for kids, chemicals are bad, I need to do dishes everyday. Now these by themselves look harmless but under different circumstances these may make you uncomfortable or even miserable.

The problem arises when one begins to stress about this rule, and cannot get themselves to question the validity of the rule because it is so ingrained in their mind. In the example of the rule of "the dishes should be done every day to maintain a clean home", say our subject just had twins. Obviously, due to the crazy busy lifestyle that our subject's life has turned into, is it really a big deal if the dishes are left in the sink? Probably not. But the thumb rule, "the dishes are done every day" is so ingrained, that our subject may not be able to even question whether it applies to her life anymore just because it's a "rule" she has created for herself so early in life. In turn, she is unhappy that she cannot do the dishes every day whereas if she thought about it, she'd realize that that rule should not apply to her life anymore.

Our values are formed very early in life and we created a thumb rule based on those values. As we grow older and "wiser", our surroundings change and circumstances shift, but due to these rules we created, values stay stubbornly fixed along with the rules. In turn, these rules are hindering the growth of our values and beliefs. When and if you revisit these rules after many years, the logic or beliefs the value was standing on are not recognizable or not relevant to your circumstances.

My point is - When you get worried, angry, cranky over a given situation again and again, the problem lies in this thumb rule. The existence of the rule automatically blocks any potential for debate in your mind. If a rule is detracting from one's happiness, you'll notice this because you catch yourself always reverting back to stating this rule to yourself as justification for your actions. Lets take a quick example of a person whose thumb rule says going out at night is bad. Now he has changed countries and cultures but he still feels uncomfortable if his near and dears go out. He just is antsy and irritated by the whole idea but he doesn't know what rationale to use to explain his irritation. It's important to then reassess the value that this rule was first meant to address and whether that is something you currently believe in.

This is by no means an easy thing to do. It is not intuitive, and you need to find such a situation in your life and act on it. Otherwise, you may find out too late that your thumb rules have made you into a person you never intended to be.